In the wake of the season ending injury to catcher Buster Posey and lesser injuries to two other players, the San Francisco Giants have called up rookie left fielder/first baseman Brandon Belt, shortstop Brandon Crawford, and catcher Chris Stewart. They will join the team on Thursday May 26th.

Posey suffered what will likely be a season ending broken leg when Marlin's outfielder Scott Cousins flattened him in a collision at home plate in the top of the 12th inning of last night's game. Rookie Chris Stewart will now be the back-up catcher behind Eli Whiteside, who has been Posey's back-up for the past year. Stewart hit .321 in 20 2011 Spring Training games with 3 doubles and 1 triple. Stewart is hitting .221 with a .586 OPS in Fresno this year.

In the same game with the Marlins last night, infielder Mike Fontenot suffered a strained left groin. He will go on the DL and be replaced by defensive phenom Brandon Crawford. Crawford was on a rehab assignment at Single A San Jose, where he was hitting .322.

Speedy outfielder Darren Ford sprained his ankle scoring the winning run against the Oakland Athletics in the bottom of the 11th inning in last Sunday's game, and will be replaced by hard hitting Brandon Belt, who is batting .377 with a .994 OPS at Triple A Fresno.

The loss of Buster Posey confronts the Giants' organization with a tremendous challenge, as they are forced to rely on three rookie players to keep the positive momentum of their 2011 season going strong. The Giants are currently in 1st place in the National League West, 2.5 games ahead of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Their team-oriented approach to building an offensive in support of the best pitching in baseball will be a huge advantage as they attempt to replace critical missing pieces on their roster.

The excitment of scoring four runs in the bottom of the 9th to tie the Florida Marlins in the Wednesday May 25th game disappeared instantly for the San Francisco Giants after a horrific 12th inning collision at home plate that will cost Giants catcher Buster Posey the rest of the 2011 season.

With Florida leading 6-2 in the 9th, the Giants scored 4 runs to tie the game. The scored remained 6-6 until the top of the 12th inning, when Marlin's outfielder Scott Cousins attempted to score from third base on a Emilio Bonifacio fly.

Giants right fielder Nate Schierholtz caught the ball and rifiled a throw to home plate to nail Cousins. The ball appeared to get to Posey an instant before Cousins barreled into the Giants' catcher to dislodge the ball. The collision bent Posey backwards on his ankles, and he was obviously seriously injured as he was assisted off the field by team trainers.

Cousins' run held up as Florida got three quick outs in the bottom of the 12th to win the game 7-6.

While the Giants scheduled Posey for a series of medical tests Thursday morning, word leaked out from several players and reporters that Posey's left leg was broken and he had also suffered torn ligaments. He will miss the rest of the season and will face a long rehab program to get back to the Major Leagues.

Scott Cousin's decision to charge into Posey brings up an ongoing MLB debate about hard contact plays at home plate. Giants Manager Bruce Bochy had previously called for additional rule protections for catchers who are defenseless as they attempt to catch the ball while a runner is about to administer a full tilt body slam. Giants' broadcaster Duane Kuiper also stated that baseball must change their rules to prevent serious injuries to catchers during violent collisions at home plate.

The National Football League has taken strict action in recent years to stop helmet to helmet hits and unimpeded body slams. Violations include assessments against NFL teams during games and hefty individual fines against violating players.

Posey was named the National League Rookie of the Year in 2010, and was considered San Francisco's team leader as they went on to win the 2010 World Series.

The San Francisco Giants sweep of the Oakland Athletics this past weekend was a big truck roto-grudge match between two of the best pitching staffs in the game. Friday 2-1 Giants, Saturday 3-0 San Francisco, and Sunday 5-4 Giants in 11 innings only begins to suggest how well both teams pitched. And how poorly both teams hit.

But the moment to savor from the weekend was the bottom of the 11th inning in Sunday's contest. Oakland pinch hitter Ryan Sweeney hit for pitcher Craig Breslow to lead off the top of the 11th in a 4-4 tie game. Sweeney rapped a single to right field but was erased when Coco Crisp hit into a fielder's choice and the inning sputtered for the A's. Sweeney then stayed in the game and took over right field in the bottom of the 11th.

The Giants came out hacking in the bottom of the 11th. Lead-off hitter Andres Torres popped out, but Darren Ford pinch hit for Sergio Romo and slapped a single to right center. The amazingly swift Ford immediately stole second base in a blur of cream colored home jersey.

With one out, Oakland intentionally walked Buster Posey because a) Posey is heating up at the plate; and, b) it set up a one out double play scenario.

Emmanuel Burriss was up next. Burriss had been called back up from Fresno on May 19th after Mark DeRosa went down with a reoccurring wrist injury-- this after DeRosa bumped Burriss back to Triple A on May 10th after rejoining the team from the disabled list. Baseball is built on the contradictions defined by opportunity and disappointment; the admirable and determined DeRosa's latest injury setback provides an opening for Manny Burriss. And another chance to play in the big leagues.

With one out and Darren Ford on second base, Burriss hit a line drive single to right field. With Ford thundering to third base, right fielder Sweeney scooped up the baseball and in one smooth movement unleashed his own accurate line drive right back to home plate. Unable to hold back, Pablo Sandoval and several other Giant players climbed the dugout railing as the play unfolded.

That's when a breathtaking baseball moment jumped up. Just as Ford was careening around the third base bag with Sweeney's throw slicing through the afternoon air, Giants third base coach Tim Flannery, his left arm spinning like a B-17 propeller at full throttle, started running down the line paralleling Darren Ford's wild dash toward the plate.

For a wonderfully crazy instant the right field camera followed Ford down the line with Flannery running along side just beyond him. And out of nowhere, there was the unstoppable Sandoval, somehow out of the dugout and himself hopping sideways down its length in a line beyond Ford and Flannery as they all made a collective dash to outrun Sweeney's throw to home plate.

Replays seemed to show Sweeney's throw got to Athletic's catcher Kurt Suzuki just as Ford slid across the plate. And if the ball had not popped out of Suzuki's glove when Ford's left leg jarred it loose? Hell, I suppose they could still be playing that game.

The Giants win 5-4 in what the celebrated East Coast philosopher Yogi Berra would have described as "a real cliff dweller". At AT&T Park this season, the San Francisco Giants are 13-5, and 11-0 in one run games at home. This is developing into a season rife with electric moments, and it's only May.

At the annual San Francisco Giants FanFest last February at AT&T Park, Giants President and Chief Operating Officer Larry Baer was interviewed about managing an MLB team throughout a 162-game season. Not the day-to-day work done by Manager Bruce Bochy but the overall assessment and decision-making by the front office to stay on a winning path.

Baer essentially said the first 50 games of the season allow the manager and front office to assess what they have; the next 50 games allow management to adjust and problem-solve; and the final 62 games are all about winning. It's a simple, insightful and almost zen-like blueprint that reflects the realities and opportunities offered by the 162 game MLB schedule.

Obviously Baer was not describing a franchise philosophy carved in stone or emblazoned in quotes on his executive business card, but the 50-50-62 roadmap is still a rational approach to understanding how a season works and how much time is available to properly assess player performance and make critical decisions.

Exceptions to the formula certainly abound, most recently 2010 NLCS MVP Cody Ross playing his first game as a Giant on August 23, 2010-- which was game #126. Player decisions are also dependent on opportunity, but compare Major League Baseball to the NFL, where the season goes by so fast it's rare to see major personnel changes during the season unless they are injury-related.

So, where in the Baer blueprint are the 2011 Giants? Game number 50 is coming up next week: the Thursday May 26th day game with the Florida Marlins at AT&T Park. General Manager Brian Sabean and his executive team have certainly had time to assess team strengths, team weaknesses and team needs. Since every issue can't be addressed and every problem on the field can't be solved, discerning the team's critical priorities ends up being the most important decision of all.

The 2011 Giants have three major problems staring at them at game #50: run production up and down the line-up, shortstop defense, and getting another left handed power bat.

Out of 16 NL teams, San Francisco ranks 16th in runs scored with 142; St. Louis leads the League with 220 runs. The Giants come in at 15 of 16 teams with a .304 OBP, and again the Cardinals rank first with a .359 OBP. Maybe most troubling of all is the fall off in the category of extra base hits; they're 10th of 16 teams with 105 XBH. The aggressive St. Louis Cards top the League with 126 XBH.

The ability to produce XBH throughout the line-up was a mainstay of the 2010 Championship team, and provided just enough support for the team's outstanding starting and bullpen pitching to win. That piece is missing the first seven weeks of the 2011 season.

Few things support starting pitching better than infield defense. The Giants' lagging offense has the front office in a bind trying to fill the shortstop position with players who can also produce runs. This year, they're getting  neither offense or defense at short and it puts a lot of additional pressure on the pitchers. This is not about errors, it's about range and creating outs and double plays. Once again, the Giants come in 15th in the NL with 28 DPs made so far this year; the hard charging Cards again lead the pack with 43 DPs.

Rumors that the Giants were in discussions with the Mets over upcoming free agent shortstop Jose Reyes were a fantasy. How ridiculous is it to believe the Giants would, a) give up top pitching prospect Zack Wheeler in a deal to get Reyes now; and then, b) pony up $100-120 million to retain Reyes for 5 or 6 years.

In Brandon Crawford and Ehire Adrianza, the Giants have two in-house shortstops who can provide Major League defense-- now. Adrianza's offense is likely a year or two away, but Crawford can hit and would almost instantly improve the infield defense and create more outs to support Giant pitchers.

And the lefty power hitter the Giants so desperately need? He is currently batting .387 with a 1.129 OPS in the city of Fresno, CA. The name is Belt, Brandon Belt...

You can dissect a Major League baseball game in many ways. Managerial decisions, inning by inning, each at bat, individual pitches, or the overall momentum of opportunity, execution, and chance. But each game is an accumulation of moments and instances mortared together to form the final structure. Even though a baseball game has no time limits, each contest is perfectly symmetrical; a large part of the grace of the game is that you can't see the final structure until the final pieces are in place.

So it was when the San Francisco Giants met the Arizona Diamondbacks at AT&T Park Tuesday May 11th in the second game of a three game set, having won the first game Tuesday 1-0 on a Cody Ross run scoring single in the bottom of the 9th inning. On Wednesday night, things started badly for the Giants; starter Jonathan Sanchez had already given up three runs by the end of the 4th inning. Although San Francisco's offense was alive it was being held scoreless by Snakes' starter Armando Galarraga.

In the bottom of the 4th inning Arizona manager Kirk Gibson made a decision that created an opportunity for San Francisco's offense. Buster Posey opened the 4th with a single to center field. After Cody Ross struck out and shortstop Mike Fontenot flew out, 7th place hitter Aaron Rowand walked sending Posey to second base. Miguel Tejada came to the plate with two out and pitcher Sanchez on deck.

D'Back's Manager Gibson had two clear options. With two outs he could intentionally walk the 8th place hitter to face the pitcher and hopefully get out of the inning. There was an open base and despite Tejada's terrible start at the plate this season he is still a professional Major League hitter who can do damage.

Option two for Gibson was to pitch to Tejada. In his first at bat in the bottom of the 3rd, starter Jonathan Sanchez had hit a double off Galarraga; add to that the "open base" in this scenario is third base, so an intentional walk to Tejada puts a second Giants runner (Rowand) in scoring position. Tejada came into this game hitting .195 with a .230 OBP, evidence of his offensive struggles this year. If Galarraga gets Tejada, the icing on the cake would be that Sanchez then leads off the bottom of the 5th inning for San Francisco.

Kirk Gibson opted to pitch to Miguel Tejada, who promptly singled Posey in from second. Galarraga then walked Sanchez to load the bases and followed that up with a wild pitch, scoring Rowand. Andres Torres worked a walk and Freddy Sanchez flew out to right field for the final out. Arizona 3 Giants 2. In the bottom of the 5th Aubrey Huff's solo home run tied the game and in the bottom of the 6th Andres Torres' ground rule double scored the winning run-- 4-3 Giants.

First, there is no correct or incorrect choice here for Manager Gibson. He could have walked Tejada and pitched to Sanchez and it still could have gone south for Arizona-- in a sense, either way works if no one scores and the Snakes get out of the inning. But...

I got the feeling that Jonathan Sanchez's double in the 3rd inning unduly influenced Gibson's decision to pitch to Tejada. In today's game, former players who become managers tend to have two common faults: they are overly uncritical of their players, and they let recent anecdotal player performance influence decisions that are often better assessed with long-term trends and stats.

The thinking appeared to be, since Jonathan Sanchez just hit a double in the last inning, and Tejada is in a slump, let's pitch to Tejada and cross our fingers. But the real question was, how many times in his career has Jonathan Sanchez had a multiple hit game? And how often do pitchers in general have multiple hit games? My guess would be the statistical trend greatly favored walking Tejada and pitching to Sanchez.

Gibson's approach to making that decision helped the Giants start their offensive comeback.

The Giants' first series sweep of the Colorado Rockies since August 2009 put them one game out of first place in the NL West and dramatically enhanced closer Brian Wilson's 2011 pitching line.

Wilson came into Friday's game with a 5.84 ERA, a 0-1 win-loss record, and 10 saves. He proceeded to get the win in each of the first two Rockies games, then picked up the save in game 3. From Friday to Sunday, Wilson's ERA dived 1.14 points to 4.70 and his 11th save tied him with Florida's Leo Nunez and Colorado's Huston Street for the National League lead.

Giant starters also made a statement. In Friday's 4-3 win, Matt Cain went 7 innings giving up 3 runs; Saturday's 3-2 victory featured Madison Bumgarner's 6 innings and 1 earned run; and in Sunday's 3-0 capper Ryan Vogelsong finished the weekend sweep going 6.1 innings with no runs allowed. Over the three game set, Rockies starters and relievers tossed almost 100 more pitches than San Francisco's staff-- 486 to 390.

The Colorado Rockies came into the 2011 season as San Francisco's biggest challengers, but the Giants can now start to claim some serious ownage having won 9 of the last 11 meetings between the two clubs.

Hitting the baseball and scoring runs continues to be a work in progress for the Giants this season-- San Francisco only scored 10 runs in three games. Two of the Colorado games were 9th inning walk-off wins, but clutch hitting alone won't take a division title. There will be a number of dramatic changes in the starting line-up over next several weeks, changes the front office hopes will jumpstart the sagging offense.

Andres Torres and Mark DeRosa should be joining the team this Tuesday when the Giants begin a three game home series against the Arizona Diamondbacks. Torres brings energy and power as the lead-off hitter, and his defense and speed in center field further solidifies the outfield with Cody Ross full time in right.

Mark DeRosa should be starting just about every day at third base until Pablo Sandoval returns in six weeks, which will provide a serious defensive upgrade at third. At the plate DeRosa's bat is more than capable of creating what this team so desperately needs-- runs.

Look for the Giants to also bring Brandon Belt up from Fresno very soon to take over in left field. Belt brings yet another major defensive upgrade on the field, and his left-handed power bat should help take the sting out of losing Sandoval until mid-June. Also coming back are power reliever Santiago Casilla and starter Barry Zito.

All of these changes will mean some number of players currently on the 25 man roster will be sent down to the minors or traded. Speedy outfielder Darren Ford has not produced at the plate, batting .222 since being called up, and his celebrated speed has produced a 3-3 SB/CS record; infielder Ryan Rohlinger is a likely candidate be sent to Fresno when DeRosa returns. The Giants also tossed Nate Schierholtz's name out into the tradesphere and put him on display a lot over the past two weeks-- we should find out soon if any teams are biting.

The Giants front office has two particularly difficult decisions looming with lefty Dan Runzler currently sporting a fat 6.19 ERA as Casilla's return is around the corner, and Ryan Vogelsong (2-0) putting up some nice numbers as Barry Zito's replacement in the rotation: 20.2 innings pitched, 17 strikeouts, 7 walks, and a 0.97 WHIP.

Brandon Belt, Barry Zito, Dan Runzler, Darren Ford, Ryan Vogelsong, Nate Schierholtz: stay tuned.

The first stage of the San Francisco Giants 2011 season is skidding sideways in a puddle of errors, an epidemic of hitting slumps, and embarrassing slapdowns by a series of mediocre opposition starters. Not helping are the snickering references to the stale "Giants baseball-- torture" soundbite from 2010, which is totally out of touch with what's going on with this team. The only current "torture" comes from the local radio sportstalk dudes and Comcast broadcasters who use that tired phrase as punchline after every loss.

And lately there's been plently of opportunity to drag that dead horse out of the barn.

While the local nine try to find their various MLB mojos, San Francisco Giants rookie Brandon Belt is roaming free in Central California having his way with Triple A pitching and taking no prisoners. After making the starting team out of Spring Training, Belt was sent to the minors with a .192 BA after 17 big league games to work on a hitting issue. That issue was adjusting his swing to properly "square up" on fastballs; so far Belt is punishing fast balls, curve balls and whatever else they're throwing to him in the Pacific Coast League.

Through 9 games Fresno Grizzlies' left fielder Brandon Belt is batting .517:

Games	9		TB	25
ABs	29		BB	8
H	15		SO	8
R	8		SB-CS	3-0
2B	4		OBP	.622
HR	2		OPS	1.484
RBI	10		E	0

When Brandon Belt is called back up to the San Francisco Giants in the next several weeks, he will take over as the everyday left fielder. And it's irresistible not to imagine Belt being this year's Buster Posey-- firing up the offense, improving the defense, and bringing new energy to the team. A tall order and a boatload of expectations to put on a young player; the question is, does he have the tools and mental make-up to take on that role? The answer: absolutely.

The Giants front office faces a difficult task in determining exactly when to bring Belt up from Fresno. The Giants are going through a very bad stretch of baseball right now and the pressure is on to do something/anything to jump-start this team.

How bad of a stretch? In losing 3 of 4 to the Nationals this past weekend, the Giants were shut out twice and scored 4 runs in the four games. Since beating Colorado on April 19th, the Giants have gone 3-8. Virtually the entire line-up is slumping and the loss of Pablo Sandoval's bat has just begun to further impact the faltering offense.

The loss of Sandoval's glove at third has already impacted the defense, as replacement Miguel Tejada continues to play as if he is just about to announce his retirement from baseball. Tejada started the season looking lost at the plate and slow in the field and has continued to regress to the point where the Giants may be forced to also deal with finding an everyday replacement at short.

Tough times. But the promise of Brandon Belt is a positive that will impact this team and, hopefully, the entire National League. 

About ten days ago the Florida Marlins decided they probably would need a Major League third baseman after all. The Fish developed their preferred short list and one name on that list was Mark DeRosa of the San Francisco Giants. Subsequently, DeRosa went on the 15 day DL with an inflamed left wrist-- hardly a deal breaker but it put any further trade discussions on hold.

All in all a pleasant little story until Giants third baseman Pablo Sandoval broke the hamate bone in his right hand last weekend and will be out for up to six weeks.

How big a blow is this to the Giants? Try hugenormous. Sandoval leads the team with a .904 OPS and in total bases with 44; he is tied with Pat Burrell for the team lead in home runs with 5. His fielding improves seemingly week by week: Sandoval leads all NL third basemen in fielding percentage (.988), assists (58), and Range Factor (3.58); his 5 double plays tie him with two other NL third baggers in second place.

To put Sandoval's importance to the team's offense in perspective, the Giants have scored 99 runs so far this season-- good for a tie with the Pittsburgh Pirates at 14th out of 15 NL teams.

But with some luck, the beautiful symmetry of baseball could kick in if...  . If Mark DeRosa comes off the DL in ten days, takes over at third base and goes on an offensive tear. Last year the capable DeRosa was on the sidelines almost all season with injuries as the Giants surged to the World Series. This season, DeRosa looked to be a super back-up along the lines of Juan Uribe. Now the Giants need that super back-up at third and pronto.

As for the Marlins, they are currently 17-9 and a half game behind the Phillies at the top of the NL Eastern Division and they can smell blood in the water: Atlanta has not found traction early on and, despite Philadelphia's dominant starting pitching, a number of their veteran hitters look like they might be more comfortable in a gated retirement community than at home plate.

Florida's top minor league prospect at third, Matt Dominguez, was given a shot at the starting job in Spring Training but didn't hit. The team grudgingly sent Dominguez down to the minors, where an injury promptly sidelined him until July. Now the Marlins are rotating Greg Dobbs, Emilio Bonifacio and Wes Helms at third and are just this side of desperate to find an everyday player at the hot corner. The best possible outcome for the Marlins would be if they can possibly swing a deal with the Texas Rangers to get Michael Young, a longshot that would cost Florida several prime prospects and a large section of downtown Miami.

Mark DeRosa would have been a perfect fit for the Marlins at the right price, but now it's the Giants who are crossing their fingers and plugging in stop gap players like Miguel Tejada and Ryan Rohlinger at third base until DeRosa comes back.

And if the thirty-six year old DeRosa doesn't come back all the way or tanks as an everyday player? Maybe Emilio Bonifacio will still be available...           

ESPN.com columnist Jerry Crasnick reported today that the San Francisco Giants have made it known they are actively shopping outfielder Nate Schierholtz. The Giants have to make a roster move in the next week when starting center fielder Andres Torres comes off the disabled list, and Schierholtz has no minor league options left. The bid to move Schierholtz provides insight into what the Giants are thinking in terms of how their outfield shapes up for the remainder of the first half of the season and beyond.

Schierholtz, 27, has been a late inning defensive replacement in right field for the Giants, a role that may be completely eliminated as the team draws up a long term plan for their 2011 outfield alignment. He's hitting .226 this season, and hit .242 in 227 ABs in 2010. Schierholtz has a .710 OPS over his five year career, and has never been able to put up anything near the offensive power numbers expected from a starting right fielder. 

Two factors are in play here: first, the signing of Cody Ross solved the defense/offense issue that has plagued the Giants in right field for the past six years, during which the front office alternatively settled for a good glove/bad bat solution (Randy Winn, Schierholtz) or a potential power bat/bad glove solution (Jose Guillen, John Bowker, Fred Lewis, Moises Alou).

During late September 2010, and throughout the 2010 playoffs and World Series, Giants' manager Bruce Bochy would start Cody Ross in right field, then late in the game move Ross to left field as a defensive replacement for Pat Burrell, replacing Ross in right with Schierholtz. It worked well at the time, but now everything has changed.

Putting three critical starting line-up issues together may give a clue to how this could all play out: 1) Pat Burrell is a huge defensive liability in left field, and adds best to San Francisco's offense by coming off the bench everyday and maybe starting once a week. 2) Aubrey Huff had a terrible start to the season trying to replace Ross in the outfield, and it appeares to have affected him at the plate. Huff is obviously much more comfortable at first base; in fact, the entire team seems more settled with Huff at first. 3) Highly touted rookie first baseman Brandon Belt has been playing left field for the Triple A Fresno Grizzlies since his demotion last week-- a position Belt has experience playing in his minor league career.

Brandon Belt will be rejoining the Giants sometime in the next month or so, and it will likely not be as the team's starting first baseman. With an outfield of Belt in left, Torres in center, and Ross playing all nine innings in right, the Giants could finally stabilize their outfield for the first time in years.

The rest of the outfield becomes a matter of money. After the front office apparently could not find a buyer for Aaron Rowand and some piece of the $24 million remaining on the final two years of his contract, he appears to be the fourth outfielder by default. A career center fielder, Rowand has grudgingly started to play in both left and right field which adds to his team value; but the Giants should not give up trying to trade Rowand, especially since his hot start at the plate could make him a more attractive buy.   

Speedy 25 year old outfielder Darren Ford is currently on the roster, but even if the decision is made to demote Ford to Triple A Fresno when Torres returns, Schierholtz's days are still numbered with Belt in the wings.

If the Giants hope to get any value for Schierholtz they need to move him now, before it becomes obvious that he no longer fits into the long term outfield scheme. Otherwise Schierholtz could end up being designated for assignment and simply released.

             BASEBALL COMMISSIONER ORDERS FURTHER MLB TAKEOVERS 

NEW YORK-- Following the recent forced takeover of the financially mismanaged Los Angeles Dodgers by Major League Baseball, Commissioner Bud Selig today announced he will immediately institute a number of further takeovers for the good of the game.
 
Effective immediately, an MLB trustee will be appointed to be the new hitting coach for the Oakland As and assume all hitting instructor responsibilities for the team. “Major League Baseball”, stated Selig, “can no longer stand idle as the Oakland As continue to embarrass the sport with a .236 team batting average.”

Selig noted that all other Athletic baseball operations are unaffected “at this time.”

Also announced were two major media moves the Commissioner will make for the good of America’s game.

Selig issued a statement announcing the Major League Baseball takeovers of Chicago White Sox TV and radio media to enforce the removal of Ken “Hawk” Harrelson from all broadcasting duties. In addition, MLB attorneys have filed an injunction to prevent FoxSports TV baseball color commentator Tim McCarver from “ever publicly speaking about the game from this time forward.”

In a statement to the media, Selig stated “these moves were long overdue, and no sane person can argue they aren’t critically important for the future of baseball.”

Selig also warned that Major League Baseball is looking at a number of other oversight moves, including reviewing the amount of allowable rat hairs in the hot dogs at the Mets’ new Citi Field ball yard, and starting each Pittsburgh Pirate season off with a 25 win handicap to “give that franchise a decent chance to have a .500 season for the first time in 19 years."

Commissioner Selig also suggested that Major League Baseball may go beyond the game and take control of all military operations in Afghanistan as well as any future legal prosecutions of Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen. “In fact,” stated a stern Selig, “I may appoint an overseer to assume control of Lohan’s entire life at some point.

“Baseball is part of America,” said Selig, “and we will not sit quietly in the bleachers as our American way of life is threatened and demeaned.”

Selig was unavailable for further comment as he was busy overseeing the move of all MLB administrative operations to a secluded location inside a subterranean complex near Henderson, Nevada.

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