| 21 July 2011
PRESIDENT PUTS NATION ON YELLOW ALERT AS PIRATES MOVE CLOSER TO 1ST PLACE IN NL CENTRAL
"This will make Katrina look like a walk in the park," Warns Former President George Bush
PITTSBURGH PIRATES' UNEXPECTED SURGE ABOVE .500 CREATES GLOBAL CHAOS
World's Largest Media Conglomerate Crumbling in Crisis, United States On the Verge of Financial Default
SOCIAL ORDER IMPLODES AS NEWS OF PIRATES' POTENTIAL WINNING SEASON SPREADS
Cats and Dogs Stand in Line for Marriage Licenses, Quaker Oats Ceases Production of Captain Crunch Cereal
SCIENTISTS FEAR "WORMHOLE" MAY OPEN IN COSMOS IF BUCS' 18 YEAR LOSING STREAK ENDS
NATO Strike Force Poised to Carpet Bomb Allegheny Tri-County Area
